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None of this is ours; we wrote nothing; we are human and therefore make mistakes, so please email us before the wank begins–we’re happy to fix our mistakes!; posting is every day that ends in a 0 or 5.

Codename: Cupcake

Darcy Lewis had always been given the choice by her parents as to how out in the open she wanted to be about where she came from, and what she was. So she opted to lie low, keep out of

In the Stillness of Remembering

Steve Rogers is a reminder of a past that Tony Stark would rather forget. But when Steve’s own ghosts suddenly become the present, Tony finds he and Steve need each other to face the future.

Strays

After finding himself alone for the first time in decades, the Winter Soldier learns how to be a person again. Mostly through caring for an orphaned kitten, countless rounds of YouTube roulette, and stalking Captain America. Or: Bucky Barnes, accidental

The Color of Boom

This wasn’t entirely the way she’d wanted to touch base with her brother’s friend, Percy, but in some epic twist of irony, it made total sense. He already thought she was a complete heathen with insane ideas on what would

Leader of the Free World

Clint Barton’s presidential campaign started as a joke. It didn’t end that way, except for Steve.

Go Ugly Early

He’s The Captain? This was not good. This was so not good. There were theories of course, of what The Captain would look like. Most followed the typical Hollywoodesque belief that he was some version of the Godfather, sitting in

Brunch brunch baby

The taxi drops them off in front of a restaurant, and Steve gives Bucky his best unimpressed expression, only slightly dampened by his sunglasses. “A restaurant? Really?” “Shut it,” Bucky says and sashays to the door, drawing Steve’s gaze down

Summer to Your Heart

Q is shot and permanently injured on the night of Blofeld’s and Denbigh’s attempted coup, but Bond walks away with Madeline knowing nothing about it. However, time and tide eventually returns Bond to England’s shores, and his reaction to the

Heartbreak Incorporated

“What do you investigate?” Evie asks, nervous in front of the man’s pale eyes. “Relationships. Marriages, affairs, things like that,” Misha says, waving one hand vaguely in the air as he stretches his muscular body across the old leather chaise-longue.

Just Far Enough

Tony couldn’t honestly remember how long it had been like this. Probably since the day he’d called T’Challa and offered his help. At first it had just been compulsive self-denial: you can’t eat until you’ve drafted your opening remarks, until

to memory now I can’t recall

While on a mission storming a HYDRA facility, James Buchanan Barnes touches one of the many strange alien devices collected by the Red Skull. He does this, in fact, twice— in the past, and in the future. Next thing he

He turns me to gold in the sunlight

When What Not To Wear’s Clint and Natasha were contacted by SHIELD to take on one of their best as a client, Clint didn’t think anything of it except a desire to help a fellow vet. The shiver of premonition

A More Perfect Union

Post ‘Civil War’, Tony is forced to make some very hard decisions. He’ll do what it takes to protect his own, even if Steve hasn’t been seen in months. He’ll do what he has to do to.

A Bit of Bother and All That

Despite later claims by Porpentina Goldstein, the first thing that Newt Scamander, illegal magizoologist, actually said to Graves was “Oh. I really didn’t think that there were two of those.” Graves looked around quickly, wand cautiously raised. One of Grindelwald’s

The Ties That Bind

In the eyes of God, Steve Rogers was dead. He was still breathing, still walking around, but he was dead. This fic is my attempt at a functioning A/B/O universe, since most stories with this premise leave me wondering how

For One Moment Longer

They were sleeping together and then they weren’t. Brad went to England and to Afghanistan, and back to England again, and now when he comes back, he learns that Nate isn’t at Harvard, but works at Wringley’s, a place for

Cliche Bingo

A collection of clint/phil works based on cliched plotlines.

Lab Notes

James comes back after Spectre to find Q doing sketchy experiments in the lab late at night. Complications abound as they try to figure out how in the world to navigate the challenges of being MI6’s genius but commitment phobic

Bend

“Late as usual, Harry,” Chester grumbles. He notices how he’s the only one who turns to see the latest addition to the meeting come sauntering in without a care. And who Eggsy sees is a truly beautiful specimen of a

Who Got the Keys to My Bimmer

Eggsy is a mechanic working in a garage owned by Dean. Harry Hart is Galahad, Dean is forever an asshole, and Lee Unwin and his death have no connection to Kingsman. In terms of setting, the Lancelot trials are over

Bite

If there is any one alpha in the whole wide world Eggsy cannot handle during a surprise, unsuppressed heat, it is Harry Hart.

Series || Time Waits for No One

Sometimes, the first words you say to your soulmate aren’t the first they hear from you.

Measure Twice, Cut Once

“I’m Harry Hart,” Harry Hart says. He’s old, smart. He looks nice and he stands behind his counter like he’s still at parade rest. “You knew my dad,” Eggsy says. “He was in your unit. My unit.” Deep breath, steady

Touch-a Touch-a Touch-a Touch Me

Herc is desperate. He can understand Chuck not wanting anything to do with him, but the kid has deliberately shoved away everyone who might have gotten close to him and is determinedly alone in the world. So, he decides to

Married to the Job

“Hm?” Merlin asks, distracted when he looks up and squints at Eggsy’s face, then catches up and resumes working. “Oh. No. Zania Bonatti, Italian artist and activist. Also Harry’s wife.” “You wot?” Eggsy blurts, eyes snapping back to him, then

Unusual Weather

Bucky’s been at the Avengers Tower for three weeks before he finally gives in to Steve’s gentle coaxing and Stark’s cheerful waving of fistfuls of circuits, and lets them scan the arm. It doesn’t go well.

Our Lives Are Not a Linear Path

At 25 years old, Yancy Becket dies reaching out, leaving behind a younger brother with his soul torn in half, and an unborn child who will never know his father. At 22 years old, Raleigh Becket finds himself newly discharged

How Not to Attack Harry Hart

Everybody wants to hurt Harry Hart. Harry’s really not sure what he’s done to garner such attention. Where attacking even an amnesiac Harry proves near impossible. This is a romantic comedy with a dose of violence.

Saving the World (Is Totally a Date)

Tony discovers Stane’s betrayal while he’s still being held captive. When he escapes, he sets out to ruin Stane as completely and ruthlessly as he can, playing up his PTSD and quitting his job to destroy Stane quietly from the

Series || A cats and dogs love song

Chuck knows what he’s about – he’s interning at one of the most prestigious architecture firms in Chicago (the fact that its his step-dad’s firm is immaterial) and he doesn’t have time for drama or bullshit. Which does not explain