humor

How Not to Attack Harry Hart

Everybody wants to hurt Harry Hart. Harry’s really not sure what he’s done to garner such attention. Where attacking even an amnesiac Harry proves near impossible. This is a romantic comedy with a dose of violence.

Series || porn roommates AU

Hey man – it’s a two bedroom flat, utilities + cable are included in the cost, I’m a dude, there’s no catch. My last roommate wasn’t cool with my job (gay-for-pay porn star) so he ditched, thus the ‘no douchebags’

A Marriage of Inconvenience

“Caution in the field isn’t confined to simply an awareness of your surroundings,” Harry says, his tone stern but his breath soft and warm against the back of Eggsy’s hand. His gaze lifts, his eyes hooded as he peers at

Arts and Crafts

Chuck Hansen is home after graduating from college, searching for a job – and, as part of the arrangement, gets stuck dropping his four year-old sister Lucy off at preschool every morning. He stops bitching once he meets Mr. Becket.

Series || Loud and Clear

The thing with Roy is founded on coffee snobbery and stupid text messages and seriously awesome makeout sessions in the car. Oh, and the love of a lifetime, or whatever.

Series || The Adventures of Autistic Spidey and Schizophrenic Wade (Who Fall in Love and Do Other Fun Stuff)

Spider-Man meets Deadpool for the first time, and realizes there’s more to the merc than people have been telling him when he spirals unexpectedly into a panic attack and Deadpool actually stays with him through it. Not only stays, but

Life, Love, Empire, and Cake

Peter Quill’s mom had (as far as he remembered) always been a sweet, gentle and kindly soul. As such, he had grown up convinced that his father must have been, by way of cosmic balance, an asshole, and 100% a

Button Up Your Overcoat

Ed could untie knots in the fifth and sixth dimensions — blindfolded. He could convince the military he fell through a rabbit-hole, and he could even shut down a Drachman invasion (with a little help), but he can’t seem to

Odd One Out

“We should talk about Eliot,” Alec says, at the same time Parker says, “We should have sex in a hammock.”

What Happens In Vegas (But Rules Were Made to be Broken)

AKA: That Goddamn Stripper AU Wherein Raleigh Becket gets dragged to Las Vegas, gets a lapdance, then sleeps with a stripper. It’s less terrible than it sounds.

The Cyborg Arm Job

The Leverage crew run into a new friend, find some buried treasure, and fight some Nazis. It’s a pretty good day.

So You Were Never a Saint

“I think Bond’s trying to be your friend,” Eve tells him. “…well,” Q says slowly, “this is a new and disturbing development.”

Pride and Education

After the death of Mrs Bennet not long after Lydia’s birth, Mr Bennet hired a governess for his daughters and left her a free hand in raising them. With the arrival of a wealthy gentleman from London causing a splash

Your Highness

It just so happens that there is another direct heir to the British throne out there, but he’s probably going to need a bit of polish.

So If You Give

Bond gives Q things because of reasons. Q thinks that Bond completely misses the point.

Home Improvement

“Did you shoot me?” Phil asks, confused. “In my own defense, I didn’t notice you standing behind me,” Clint says. “In my own defense, I was standing behind you.” Phil sits up with a small groan. Clint tries to offer

Thought Even the Bones Would Do

“Bond. How exactly did you involuntarily order a hit on Q?” “Drinking was involved.”

We Will Meet In Another Life

Tony is there instead of Howard during Project Rebirth. He ends up following Steve into the Howling Commandos, into the Atlantic ocean and into the 21st century.

Series || Toy Soldiers

When Steve Rogers, five foot four and a hundred and ten pounds, met Tony Stark in a bar, he didn’t expect it to lead to a relationship. Or that Tony would find out he’s not an art student during a

You Know You Have a Permanent Piece of My Medium-Sized American Heart

“Hey Hermes!” The ambient suspicion level in the Rec ratcheted up significantly. Kapoor was disturbingly cheerful. “We’ve sent you some mission updates in the data dump, but Mitch and I wanted to personally let you know—” Mitch visibly rolled his

Slide to Answer

“What do I do?” Steve appealed into the phone. “I’m freaking out.” There was silence on the other end of the line. It lasted so long that Steve pulled the receiver away from his ear and frowned at it. Pay

The Love Affair of Willoughby Holmes and James Bond

The youngest Holmes holds a minor position at MI6, but somehow still manages to do more damage than Mycroft at his worst. Post Skyfall AU, Q is a little younger and a tad more innocent, and Alec is a good

The Hermes Mutiny Golf Club

for gusface’s prompt: I want to know what the fuck Sean Bean’s character was doing at a golf course with kids. IS HE NOW A GOLF INSTRUCTOR? If you’ve read the book and there’s an actual answer to this question

Series || Squad Goals

When James Bond and Q get turned into children, Tanner is the only one who can look after them. He’s not sure why, either.

Pass It On

Ninety percent of every problem could be solved by a robot who texted NO to hockey players on a regular basis. Unfortunately, Sidney didn’t have a robot.

That Escalated Quickly

Tyler eats a whole brownie with her hand cupped beneath her chin, trying not to get crumbs in her boobs. “Slow your roll, girl,” Jordie says through a mouthful of chocolate. “These are kind of strong.” “All I have is

The Job Fair

Clint isn’t entirely sure that it’s a coincidence that the car breaks down right outside of Phil’s hometown.

Stilinski’s Home for Wayward Wolves

At least your puppies knock first,” Stiles snorts. “Here I thought their alpha raised them to be well-mannered.” “There’s a sign,” Derek responds stiffly. Stiles, whose curiosity outweighs even his hardest of grudges, abandons his chilly façade of nonchalance in

The Butterfingers G. D. I. Stark Guide to Problem Solving

Tony begins to notice that things are going missing from his workshop… and discovers that his bots have been hiding a very, very big secret from him. Or rather, a very, very small one. In which Dummy is a kleptomaniac,

Catch Your Voice

Clint keeps telling himself he’s not obsessed with Coulson. From the way Natasha keeps laughing at him, she’s not buying it either. But it’s only a crush if you know what the other guy actually looks like, right?