The One Where Brendon Gets Knocked Up
Brendon turns into a girl for a day and his bandmates cannot control their urges. And so, when Brendon turns back into a guy and discovers he is pregnant, no one knows who the father is.*
Brendon turns into a girl for a day and his bandmates cannot control their urges. And so, when Brendon turns back into a guy and discovers he is pregnant, no one knows who the father is.*
Ashlee and Pete marry in a small civil ceremony (one judge, a notary and Patrick) seven minutes after they apply for a marriage license (seventy two hours after Ashlee returns from her gynecologist). Despite this somewhat inauspicious beginning, Ashlee and Pete are overwhelmingly happy.*
Spencer isn’t even surprised when Ryan comes storming over, making his way purposefully across the dance floor to where Spencer is leaning against the wall and talking with a guy. Ryan’s the most irritating kind of cockblocker in that he always looks so earnest — well, as much as Ryan ever has facial expressions anyway — when he explains to Spencer how he was just trying to look out for him.*
The third time Spencer comes home to find Brendon sat in the back garden with his feet in the pool, reading a soggy paperback and waiting for him, Spencer gives him a key to the house. “Didn’t you get that cut for Haley?” Ryan asks. Spencer just shrugs. “She’s not here that often anyway,” he says.*
“I thought you were going to offer some sage, Jon Walker advice and fix everything!” Brendon said. Jon shrugged a little, grinning. “Hey, I don’t know how to fix this one. I’d say ‘move on’ or ‘find someone else’, but I’m guessing you’ve tried that so…” Jon shrugged again, “I’ve got nothing.”*
In retrospect, asking a newly-conscious Spencer where he’d gotten those tits from probably wasn’t the best idea – the holy shit probably hadn’t helped – but Brendon still doesn’t think he deserved to be punished for it.*
“Jesus Christ,” Spencer says, and stabs his fork into his lettuce. It doesn’t help any. “How the fuck do you misplace a five-liter bottle of copper solution? Especially if it’s five-molar copper solution — the shit is bright blue, Ryan, it’s bright fucking blue.”*
This isn’t rhythm at all, it’s chaos. It’s fire. And that’s kind of what Brendon is, the bundle of energy and chaos and fire, no rhythm or rhyme, just madness, impossibly beautiful madness.* Sequel to Everybody Needs a Place to Start, prequel to Somewhat Shy of Definition and Still Unheard Though I Listen.
Among Brendon’s finest moments were the first time he played a concerto on the piano at home, the day he discovered Queen, and his seventh kiss. The day he wore a shirt to school that proclaimed in Spanish ‘My mother is a hamster’ was not among these moments. He had quickly learned to use a phrase book for reference whenever wearing garments with slogans in other languages.*
A coda to All I Want For Christmas is You, where Brendon and Spencer were working as elves at the mall.* This picks up on New Year’s Eve.
Brendon and Spencer are college students in Chicago working as elves at Santa’s Christmas Wonderland in the mall. At first, Spencer is jealous because Brendon is great with the screaming and crying kids who come to see Santa. He’s also just a tiny bit irritated by Brendon’s boundless energy and enthusiasm. Then he finds himself developing a crush and pining away for Brendon — only to be confused by Brendon’s sudden affection for Ryan, Spencer’s best friend/roommate and Brendon’s classmate in a music performance class at school. Ryan works at a bookstore in the mall, Jon works at Starbucks, and there are lots of faily boys having cliched misunderstandings.*
Then Spencer finds the link to the crew information, and Ryan leans close, chin on Spencer’s shoulder, to study the high-quality picture of two young men, about their age and involved in a water fight – their chests glistening in the sun, laughing and unaware of the camera. The description says: “Left: Brendon Urie, diving instructor, CMAS M***, right: Jon Walker, captain and diving instructor, CMAS M**.”*
“So, I’m pretty sure she knocked me up before she left,” Brendon said conversationally.*
Brendon is still missing his babies. Ryan Ross is a bitchy pregnant seahorse. And MikeyWay has run away to the Reef, and theh other must brave the unknown to rescue him. Drama! Angst! Less fish puns than the last one! More Mpreg, of sorts. Boys (and girls) as sea creatures.* Sequel to Life in the Rock (and Roll) Pool.
In which there is a wedding, a bubble machine, and Spencer is certainly not dating Brendon Urie.*
He’s pretty sure if Brendon asks what’s going on with him and Ryan, like really asks, and breaks out his patient, “I’m listening” face and big fucking earnest eyes. Jon’s not going to be able to keep from saying something like “So I kinda really want to fuck me. How’d I go about getting that, you think?”*
Last night they’d talked until they were hoarse and now Spencer’s not sure if there’s anything more to say.*
In which Spencer is antisocial and hates Christmas, Ryan is in love, Jon is planning vacations, and Brendon doesn’t want to spend Christmas alone.*
Bored, small-town schoolteacher Ryan Ross meets Jon Walker, a man with a secret. Things ensue.*
Neither Brendon or Spencer are answering his calls, and it’s frustrating. Because Ryan knows their house will be toasty warm, and he wants in.* Follows Talks Like a Gentleman.
Crack!fic in which Spencer has weird dreams, questions his sexuality, and spends a lot of time hiding things away in boxes in his mind.*
Superpowers AU in which Ryan Ross can’t help reading people’s minds, Jon Walker absorbs energy (and usually controls it perfectly), Spencer Smith shoots ice from his hands and saves melting refreshments, and Brendon Urie sometimes bursts into flames.*
Spencer couldn’t remember when they’d had the baby discussion. If he had to guess he’d say it must’ve happened some time after Brendon packed up his Chicago apartment and moved to Vegas to live with Spencer. They went through a whole laundry list of discussions that weekend though, ranging from how Brendon liked cold showers in the summer, to how Spencer really hated lukewarm soda.* Pseudo sequel to Shattered Glass and Sounding Drums.
“Well,” Pete says slowly, “did I ever tell you about that time the music was banned?”*
“Okay, this is what I’ve figured out so far. I’m stuck in some sort of hell that looks vaguely like a Sandra Bullock movie.”*
Gerard looks up and sees Frank’s head poking around the corner of the door to his office.*
In a wold where werewolves, vampires, and humans live together in shaky and relative peace, Spencer finds a boy on the side of the road, naked, bruised, and sporting vampire bites. Stopping to save him might just be the dumbest thing Spencer’s ever done… or the best.*
In which there is broken glass, a sick drummer, a story, a festival, and a song.*
‘Later, later, soon,” becomes a whole lot later and not so much soon.* A sequel to Hey Gravity! or at least a continuation of sorts.
Fashion world AU. All our favorite boys have jobs in the fashion world. An outtake from a much larger verse.*
Joe refuses to be charmed. Joe’s neighbor is some sort of drunkard or druggie, okay, and he smells like wood varnish and burnt hair and Joe really, really hopes he doesn’t have an explosive meth lab set up in his garage.*
He has about eight minutes left. This is also, coincidentally, how long Brendon has left to live if he does not return Spencer’s aftershave.*
“Responsibility” should be Spencer Smith’s middle name (except it’s James). After all, not many people would sacrifice their lives to run the family bakery and raise their twin sisters. But now the girls are grown, and Spencer has to learn to put his own needs first! And Brendon, the Sweet Spot’s newest regular, might just be what Spencer’s looking for. But will Brendon’s past get in the way of their present?*
Somehow, “Oh, hey, you know how I told you I’m a quarter Irish and a quarter German? Well I forgot to mention that the other half is Demon,” is a little hard to voice.*
Brendon’s wish backfires and he turns into Spencer’s drum kit. As you do.*
“Look, Spencer, look!” Spencer, who had been trying to read that issue of Kerrang he’d had stuffed in his bunk for the past four months but never had the time to get to, dodged Brendon’s probing hands with practiced ease. “No, Brendon.”*
Special Collector’s edition of Axe: The Horror of Man, complete with new techniques to master and a special making-of documentary! Or something. The Game Designers AU.
Brendon and Spencer meet each other in a first year philosophy class that they are taking as an outside elective. They both sit in the front row.*
The fifth time Brendon jerks off to a guy, he calls up Shane and says, “Spencer Smith’s beard made me gay.”*
Rodney is sort of angered beyond all possible comprehension at the new batch of scientists.*
“It takes three licks, dude,” Joe says, and Brendon nods, says, “Duh,” because he’s a freaking wise owl, he knows these things.*
Spencer’s not quite sure what Brendon is doing, but he thinks it could be considered flirting.*
It’s not like it actually changes that much. Spencer is still his friend and his bandmate and his Guitar Hero sidekick and his main rival for apple juice in the morning. It’s just now Brendon is aware that Spencer is made up of squares and smooth circles and he wants to fucking touch them.*
“I hate Valentine’s Day,” Patrick says while tearing into the Taco Bell bag the runner brought to the studio for lunch. He extracts a handful of packets and tries to decide what level of hot sauce he wants, choosing the hottest. He’ll go for broke; perhaps the sauce will burn away the sour taste brought upon by thoughts of Valentine’s Day.*
“Hey, baby girl,” Brendon says softly. He thinks he should have thought of something more profound to welcome his daughter in to the world.*
“This okay?” Brendon asked a moment later, breaking off from kissing Spencer to slide his hands down Spencer’s chest.*
She down Brendon had seen her staring, because Spencer hadn’t been able to keep her eyes off her for the rest of the shoot. She’s pretty sure everyone had seen her staring.*
“I didn’t want last night to happen until after it did. But maybe I want it even more now.” Brendon clears his throat like he’s presenting a project to the class and he’s run out of breath. Spencer is expecting more words laced together, another calm sentence, when Brendon leans over the divider between their bodies, tilted towards him, and kisses him wholly.
He’s wearing a red hoodie, tight girl-jeans and has a backpack slung over his shoulder. He’s also completely making out with a scraggly looking dude with greasy flat-ironed hair.*
Frank the lonely barista and Gerard the loyal consumer/art student. Guest appearances by Patrick the shift supervisor and Brendon the romantic.*
Brendon loves touring. He loves touring and he loves their bus and he loves his band and he loves The Academy and he loves the UK and he loves Jaggermeister.*
He wishes he could pinpoint when it had happened, when he’d stopped watching Ryan’s mouth and started watching Spencer’s hands.*
When it comes to Brendon, though, all the normal guy-like ‘way to go man’ platitudes fail him. With Brendon, all Spencer can be is seethingly fucking jealous.*
A drycleaners, a hair salon, the park bench that brings them together, and their various friends and enemies; one summer at the mall.*
“Hotel night!” Brendon chirps, inserting herself into the middle of the cluster of people and bags in the lobby. “I call Spencer!”*
Brendon and Spencer go on a cruise to escape their problems. They end up finding more than rest and relaxation.*
Hospital AU. Spencer Smith has moved to Chicago to work at Chicago General with his best friend, one Ryan Ross. Here he meets some hilarious staff members, makes a lot of friends, and drinks a lot of coffee.
The diner! au. the boys live and work in the small town of paradise, nevada. some were born there, some traveled there looking for something. it’s easy enough to settle into a routine, but equally easy to get lost in that routine. spencer in particular. he’s grumpy, generally dissatisfied with life, and likes books more than people. this is what happens when someone comes along to change that.*
In which Brendon and Spencer are juniors in high school. Ryan, the plucky best friend and Mr. Hall, the history teacher, also star.*
Brendon Urie would call himself an ordinary guy. Spencer Smith would call him stupidly hot, if he weren’t about to destroy Brendon’s career. A rich, successful journalist and food critic, Spencer aims to write a scathing review of Brendon’s little muffin and cupcake shop. He never mixes business with pleasure. But the secrets Brendon’s keeping intrigue Spencer, and his naivety has caught Spencer off guard. He’s entranced with the little muffin cupcake shop and his neighbour Jon’s coffee shop. What’s happened to him? He’s being ridiculous! The Christmas-coated town has gone to his head. Spencer’s best friend, literary critic Ryan Ross, thinks that the small-town boy has unlocked the city slicker’s heart.*
Every summer since he was six, Ryan went to Connecticut to stay with his Aunt Eleanore.*
Brendon and Spencer wake up together in a motel bed in Vegas with hangovers, no recollection of the night before and a marriage certificate. What started as an accidental marriage becomes a marriage of convenience, but could it grow into something more?*
Brendon throws his arms up over his head and clings tightly to the headboard, gasping and moaning as Travis fucks him hard and deep.*
Brendon doesn’t know what wakes him up. The bus is still moving and it looks dark beyond the two inch gap left between his curtain and the wall. But something woke him up, so he lays still and listens. He can just hear the tinny sound of Jon’s ipod above him, and Ryan’s rustling around in his bunk. He hears a high-pitched squeak, a low laugh, and then “shhh.” Oh, right, Keltie’s with them.*
It still made Brendon’s heart race every time Spencer so much as touched his hand, and he was sure that the hearts in his eyes were getting stuck there.*
“You have no idea what you’re doing, okay?” Ryan says in exasperation, blowing out a huffy breath. “I’m just saying. I think…I might know a guy.”*
So maybe they have half an hour until bus call, and neither of them have even showered since they got there last night, and it’s really kind of disgusting how much sex they’ve had. But Brendon has Spencer to herself. In a hotel room. For the first time in, like, twenty cities.*
It’s a Harlequin romance novel, starring bandboys. Yes, that involves many of the clinchy, shmoopy cliches you’re thinking of. In which Brendon is Spencer’s secretary, and somehow Spencer has never really noticed him before.*
If you wanted to, if you were so inclined, you could place the blame squarely on William – in fact, William himself would be eager to accept it, if only because the story ended so well – but in the beginning, in the beginning, if you blamed William, you would not, actually, be correct.*
“Dude,” Brendon says, lazily. He’s sprawled across the couch, his feet hanging over the edge. “It’s cold. You should totally come over here and be my blanket.”* Coda to Thereafter You Have It (And Tango Makes Three)
Brendon Urie is the newest addition to Pete Wentz’s Decaydance music label, and Spencer Smith is Pete’s most trusted assistant. After Pete turns Spencer’s carefully laid plans for Brendon’s publicity upside down at the last minute, Brendon and Spencer are left hiding out at Pete’s villa for the weekend.*
Spencer had barely even heard of rugby when he tried out for the team. It was just a way of killing time until Ryan was done with his stupid school magazine. Helping Ryan sift through the lame emo poetry submissions was only funny the first few times. But their west-coast prep school doesn’t play soccer or football, so the rugby team turns out to be the coolest thing around, and suddenly Spencer’s the school’s most popular player. Then Spencer meets Brendon, and everything changes.*
It begins with Spencer sitting in his boxers and an old t-shirt in their kitchen, drinking a cup of coffee and frowning over some paperwork. “Fucking math,” he grouses, tapping one bare foot against the floorboards. Brendon is pretty fond of their floorboards; he’s not a crazy interior decorator, like some people, but he likes to think he has a certain touch.*
It’s Brendon’s fault, so Spencer doesn’t feel bad at all groaning really loudly and complaining. “It hurts,” he says, feeling whiny. “It hurts and it sucks.”*
Pete and Brendon swap houses after break-ups. The Holiday AU.*
The totally true story of how Spencer Smith joined Patrick & Brendon’s Magic Friend Band.*
Every day he texts Frank that he’s dying a slow, painful death, and Frank always ignores him and sends him pics of Gerard’s nostrils or dog shit or something. Frank’s an asshole. He has no idea why they’re friends, and Spencer misses him so much sometimes he feels like punching something that’ll punch back.
Brendon likes leaning on tall things, like lampposts and Gabe Saporta. Which is probably why he wakes up naked, duct taped to a Big Wheel.*
“Yeah. Yes. I’m asking for your hand in my ass, Spence. I am more than okay.”*
Spencer Smith has the ultimate playboy lifestyle, moving from one hot person to the next. So why would he want Brendon, his dorky friend who loves him from afar? Spencer needs a convenient spouse — and Brendon is his first choice. Shocked at Spencer’s proposal, Brendon has doubts about the crazy plan — until Spencer gives him a taste of just how hot they can be together.*
How had he managed to get this far in life without realizing exactly what it was that turned him on?*
Spencer glares at Ryan, who is slowly turning purple and clutching the table to hold himself up, his body shaking with laughter, and decides that he really, really needs a new best friend.*
Spencer’s standing by the escalator, sunglasses covering half of his face. One hand’s playing with his hair a little, the other’s wrapped around a cardboard sign with the word dork printed on it carefully. Brendon can’t help the grin that splits his face.*
In his first few months of college Spencer has figures out that he really does like guys, that his best friend and roommate, Ryan, has terrible taste in women, and this random guy he meets named Brendon is kind of ridiculously hot.*
Kevin Lucas is not a girl, even if he did just wake up as one. He’s handling it pretty well though; especially once he gets some highly unexpected help from Mike Carden, William Beckett, and Brendon Urie, who isn’t a girl either. But with his parents worried, his brothers suspicious, and Spencer Smith apparently plotting his demise, waking up as a girl might actually be the least of Kevin’s problems. [JONAS-verse]*